


Tearing Apart

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Canon Era, F/M, Good Morgana (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Lots of it, M/M, Magic Revealed, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), One-Sided Attraction, Pining Merlin (Merlin), Queen Gwen (Merlin), Sorcerers, Soulmates, supposedly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24820423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: A Sorcerer finds out a secret Merlin would rather have buried deep.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 555





	1. Soulmates

The chains bit into his skin, Merlin looking to Morgana, then back to the Sorcerer that was about to kill them. Arthur grunted, looking to his wife with an apology for bringing her out here, where they had been ambushed.

‘I’m going to steal your soul.’ Merlin hadn't really been too keen on the idea, but with the iron cuffs around both him and Morgana, there wasn’t much option for escaping with Magic. The Knights had been disarmed, Gwen was wearing a dress appropriate for the Queen of Camelot, and Arthur wasn’t even in armour.

Stealing souls was dark Magic, dangerous and extremely painful. It would make them into mindless messes, if it didn’t kill them, but there was a slight problem with the sorcerer approaching him.

‘I have an issue with your plan.’ He started, and Arthur lifted his head and frowned at him.

‘Merlin, can you not egg on the sorcerer about to _kill_ us!’ He sneered, not sounding very enamoured with him at the moment. Honestly, it wasn’t his fault they’d gotten into this mess, he didn’t want to go on a picnic and watch as Arthur and Gwen played happy families. Didn’t want to have to watch as Lancelot avoided the two of them, as Merlin watched Arthur smile far brighter than he ever had before. A mutual understanding, that they both had to hide their love for the two that had chosen to marry.

‘Well if he’s going to kill us, then me egging him on can’t make it worse, can it, prat.’ He shot back, Arthur rolling his eyes at Merlin’s stubbornness.

‘An issue?’ The sorcerer interrupted, while Merlin wondered if he was slacking in his duties. After all, he was training Morgana to be the High Priestess she could be. It would make her the only woman capable of wielding such power, the two of them the only ones able to do soul-Magic. Evidently, he’d let a powerful sorcerer slip under his radar.

‘I only have half a soul.’ He thought it would stop the man, but instead, he looked intrigued. He crossed the space quickly, no longer interested in the others at all, and his hand reached for Merlin’s forehead. He winced as Magic pushed into his body, testing, realised that maybe he should have just stayed quiet.

‘You’ve got a soulmate, Emrys.’ Merlin knew that, but he hadn't realised that the Sorcerer would be able to find that out. Morgana was shooting him a look, one that told him he’d been a little presumptive to spill that secret, and Merlin winced.

‘If you let me out of these, I might even tell you who?’ He tried, jovial tone landing flat as the man turned slowly. A wicked smile, one that had his gut tightening.

‘I already know who, Emrys. There’s only one person for you.’ Merlin decided that he didn’t want to be here anymore. The words hit him hard, the Warlock rocking back.

‘That isn’t tr…’

‘How does it feel, to have your heart torn apart every moment of every day?’ The man crouched down, gripped Merlin’s face tightly and forced his chin up. No, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Morgana was speaking, telling Merlin to ignore the jibes, but how could he? The man was telling the truth, it ached fiercely to watch.

‘Shut up.’ It was the admittance the sorcerer needed.

‘It hurts, doesn’t it? Aches, to see your soulmate with someone else?’ It didn’t. Gwen was happy, Arthur was happy, he loved them both so much. He was fine with them being together. He was.

‘Leave him alone.’ Arthur snapped, and the sorcerer laughed.

‘It isn’t me hurting him!’ The King was confused, Merlin knew it. He couldn’t bear to raise his head, didn’t want to see Arthur’s disgust when the secret was out.

‘You don’t know, do you? They call you the Once and Future King, Arthur Pendragon. You have a protector, a man that was born just to help you, the other half of your soul. Poor Emrys, always in the shadows.’ The last bit was aimed back at Merlin, who felt like his heart had been ripped out.

‘Aren’t you proud of you King, Merlin?’ He hated it, hated everything about this moment. If the ground opened up and swallowed him, he’d be a happy person.

‘Of course I am.’ He muttered under his breath, he’d always be proud of Arthur. Nothing could change that.

‘Even when he married his Queen? Isn’t she pretty…’ He cooed, fingers digging into his skin tight enough that it was drawing blood. A blade moved, a dagger pressing to his neck, and Merlin was tempted to move onto it.

‘There’s never a day I’m not proud of Arthur. Or Gwen. She deserves to be Queen.’ He hissed, although he suspected he was trying to convince himself more than anything else.

‘Leave him alone, Sorcerer. Emrys is…’ Morgana began, but the man pressed deeper with the dagger.

‘Heartbroken. That’s what he is, knowing that the man he loves can never love him back.’ He could feel his Magic beginning to protest, despite the iron cuffs that held it back.

‘Stop it.’ He pleaded, knowing what would happen if he didn’t.

‘Manservant to the King. Do you get to see them wrapped up with each other? Wish it was you?’ After he broke free, he was going to run far away from Camelot. Away from all of them, because he would never be able to look Arthur in the eye again.

‘No.’

‘Don’t lie, you want it to be you. You wish the Queen was gone…’

‘Never. Guinevere is my best friend.’ That was the truth, even if it wasn’t a nice truth.

‘I bet that makes it worse.’ Merlin could feel the cracks in the cuff, his Magic despising the way he was being spoken to. It was one thing, to insult Merlin. But to insult Arthur and Gwen, the two people that Merlin would give everything up for.

‘I’d shut up, if I were you.’ Morgana suggested, like she could feel the energy radiating off him.

‘Why? Because Merlin here looks ready to cry?’ Dammit, he wasn’t crying. Okay, maybe a little, but the tears were because his heart was screaming at him to do something.

‘Arthur’s nothing more than my friend.’ Merlin told himself, told his heart, and it sunk down miserably.

‘Only because he loves a pretty woman, and you’re left with a torn-up heart. What happens in the future, huh? A happy married couple, lie-ins in the morning, soft, sweet kisses…’

Merlin wasn’t crying.

‘Sharing a bed during the night, spending every moment together…’

He knew it would happen. They deserved it.

‘And you know what would be even better? When the lovely Queen gets pregnant…’

An heir for Camelot.

‘No room for the broken-hearted sorcerer in the shadows.’

He sobbed. He didn’t even realise it until the sound escaped, and Merlin ducked his head down, pushed every inch of hurt into the iron around his wrist. He heard it splinter, let his Magic shove the sorcerer back until he had enough space to rise to his feet.

One day, that would happen. But for now, Merlin had a King to protect, and a Queen that he adored even if it broke his heart.

‘I’m not a Sorcerer.’ Merlin snarled, didn’t flinch when the ground under his feet trembled. They called him the Son of the Land, Sea and Sky, and he understood it now. The earth responded to him, cracks forming like the ones in his heart, threatening to swallow up the Sorcerer that had hurt them.

Wind wrapped around him, leaves skirting in circles around the group, the sky darkening. Storm clouds formed overhead, the eye of the beast staying with Merlin as he tipped his head back to the sky.

When he looked back to the Sorcerer facing him, the man had never looked so terrified.

‘I’m a Warlock.’ He finished, and then clenched his fist tightly.

The light raced from the sky, the rumble of thunder signifying the arrival of his power. Lightning hit the ground where the sorcerer had stood, leaving behind nothing but a blackened mess. It felt good, having his Magic back in his blood, having it racing through his body like a drug. He let the storm continue, turned to his High Priestess and found her staring up at him in awe.

‘Child of the Gods is starting to make sense, now.’ The joke amused him, and he focused on the chains around her wrists, let them shatter. She rose up smoothly, with an almost-regal look as she came across to his side, eyeing up the spot where the lightning had hit.

‘You’re in pain.’

‘How can you tell?’

‘The earth. It’s screaming.’ That was his fault, he was letting his emotions drive his judgement. He slowed them, pulling his energy back into his body and looking up to Morgana.

‘Keep him safe.’ He whispered, watched her eyes well up with tears.

‘Don’t do this.’

‘I can’t… I don’t think I can stay.’ He stepped back, and without looking to Arthur, the man he’d betrayed, he looked up to the sky.

The world around him blurred, and although he’d never tried to apparate before, he could tell it worked when his feet hit sand.

Not the meadow he’d been in, with all his friends around him. No, he was standing on shingle, with the dark ocean out in front.

Land, Sky, and finally the Sea.


	2. Taste of salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I couldn't leave Merlin so heartbroken

Arthur, for the first time in his life, knew this was what it felt like to have his heart broken. There was just no energy left in him, he sat on the edge of his bed and let his head fall into his hands. Merlin was gone, and he’d taken with him the last bit of Arthur’s sanity. Nobody had spoken to him as they returned to Camelot, not even his wife.

God, this was all messed up. He’d lost his manservant, who also happened to have very strong Magic, because Merlin was in love with him.

He’d known. Deep down, he could see the way Merlin’s eyes lingered, the moments where Arthur would entertain the possibility of them being more than just friends. He’d married Gwen, and even as he pressed his lips to hers, there was the slightest feeling in his chest that told him he wasn’t happy.

A King had to have a Queen. That phrase rolled over and over in his mind, trying to justify the sob that had escaped Merlin’s lips. All of the pain, the weight of that burden, and it was Arthur’s fault. He’d been able to see Merlin’s love for him, and he’d pretended that ignoring it would get rid of all the issues.

His Chambers had never felt emptier. No fire to warm the room, no chatter to keep Arthur distracted. His shirt was still in a heap where he’d stripped it from his form. The silence stretched onwards, and for every moment that it stayed, Arthur felt himself slip away.

‘Oh, Arthur.’ Gwen came rushing across, knelt down in front of him and took his hands. Her skin was smooth, but with the callouses that proved she had not been born into the role of Queen. Her dark eyes showed sympathy, lips drawn into a sad smile, and the King looked to his wife.

‘I’m alright.’ She cocked her head, reached out and brushed her fingers along his cheek. When they came back, they glistened slightly with tears, not that Arthur had realised he was crying.

‘You don’t need to lie to me. I know how it feels to love two people at once.’ Lancelot. The Knight that had been looking anywhere but at Gwen and him while they were riding. He’d been foolish, to marry Gwen when she loved Lancelot more. He knew it, she knew it, and Merlin had known it. But his friendship with Gwen overpowered the secret he thought he’d kept hidden.

‘He’s gone.’ Strange, he’d always thought Merlin would stay. Every future he saw, it was always with Merlin by his side.

‘Only because his heart is broken. You’re going to find him.’ He didn’t even know where to begin. Gwen was rising back up slowly, straightening her back and looking down at him.

‘Be happy, Arthur. I’ll be in Lancelot’s room if you need me.’ He knew what she was doing, trying to prove that they could shape this into whatever they wanted it to be. That they could change the rules so their hearts could have the love that occupied them, while still maintaining order in Camelot.

Love. He’d just called Merlin the person he loved, without hesitation. It was laughable, really. All this time, with Merlin standing behind him and keeping him strong, while Arthur hadn't bothered to return the favour.

Merlin had broken in front of them, and Arthur had been too cowardly to speak up.

How was he supposed to find him? His first instinct was to go to Morgana, but his feet led him in a different direction, towards the Physician’s Quarters. Gaius wasn’t in, which he was thankful for, and he moved to Merlin’s room. It looked untouched, Arthur briefly looking around the room before he focused on a book half-hidden under a neckerchief.

A spell-book. There were hand-written notes on most pages, scribbles that Arthur traced over as he thought. Merlin was the only who helped him write his speeches, that read over his reports and edited them if needed. His handwriting was familiar to the King by now, but when he turned to the page with that name written on top, Emrys, he halted.

So many things that he didn’t know about his manservant, and for what reason? Did Merlin really think that Arthur would abandon him for practicing Magic?

‘Son of the land, sea and sky.’ He stated, traced the words while thinking back to watching Merlin perform Magic. His fingers threaded into the neckerchief, marvelling at how soft it was as he read the notes surrounding the pages.

He had certainly looked powerful. Controlling the sky, making the storm come to his call. And the earth, it had cracked under his power, something Arthur hadn't thought possible.

If he were Merlin, where would he flee? If Magic was such a big part of him like he said it was, like he had just shown them, then his location would reflect that power. Arthur rose the fabric to his face, breathed in steadily and relaxed.

Sea. Son of the sea, a power he hadn't yet shown the group. Camelot didn’t directly border any of the stormy seas, but it didn’t mean he hadn't been there before. A couple of times as a child, more commonly after he grew up. Merlin was often with him, when he went riding out to the coast, and that was the best idea he had for where Merlin might be.

He strode from the room, almost ran straight into Gaius as the man entered the room. Angry at him, from the looks of that terrifying eyebrow that he rose, but Arthur was already babbling about how he was going to find Merlin.

If they truly were soulmates, then his heart would lead him.

**

The taste of salt stuck in the back of his throat, the spray of the sea drenching his form. Finding the campfire had been a brilliant start, the cooking pot that hovered over it a sign of his manservant. Arthur should have known that Merlin would be a sentimental idiot, returning to the place that he and Arthur had last made Camp when they travelled this far west.

Down on the beach, he’d spotted the centre of the storm. The clouds above were no longer attacking, just a miserably grey, proof enough that Merlin was still upset. He didn’t seem to care that the waves were attacking his ankles, that the salty sea was frothing up over him.

Arthur scrambled down the bank of the cliff, approaching Merlin steadily. He looked rather small, curled in on himself like that. One man against the world, but not if Arthur had a say on the matter.

‘Merlin.’ The sorcerer jumped, almost fell into the waves, the idiot. He looked at Arthur in such confusion, face scrunching up, before the expression crumbled.

‘Did you come to arrest me?’ Arthur was so shocked that he actually stumbled, the sand crunching under his boots. Merlin was waiting patiently for his verdict, like he would accept execution if Arthur deemed it necessary.

‘I came to bring you home.’ He took another step, noticed that Merlin’s eyes briefly flashed golden. The sea seemed to calm, and Arthur could have laughed. Only Merlin would stop the sea from lashing out so that Arthur didn’t get drenched further in the water.

‘Why?’ It was whispered out, so quietly that Arthur almost missed it.

‘Because I need you. By my side.’ He added the last bit on, to emphasise the fact he wanted Merlin to stay where he always had belonged.

‘I can’t hide my feelings anymore, Gwen wouldn’t want…’

‘Gwen’s with Lancelot.’ Merlin’s shock was palpable, and Arthur wondered if he should have kept that secret. Another step, close enough to see the way Merlin shivered as Arthur reached for him.

‘Why come for me?’ Merlin asked again, this time lacing it with all the pain that Arthur had listened to in that moment where the sorcerer had them.

‘I can’t do this without you.’ He didn’t realise how true it was until he said the words, and this time, it was Merlin to take the step. The distance between them vanished, and Arthur was reaching for the ratty tunic, pulling his manservant closer until he could feel just how cold he was under the thin clothes.

‘You don’t need me…’ Merlin began, but Arthur cupped his cheek, pressed a thumb to his lip to silence him.

‘I want you.’ He didn’t know how else to say it, but luckily, Merlin seemed to be getting the picture. He cocked his head to the side like Gwen had done, this movement suiting him a lot more than it had the Queen.

‘As your manservant?’

‘As everything.’

The kiss tasted of a mixture of salt and desperation, but Arthur wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
